Felt the need to post it twice

(I will be using foul language in this status, but I need to get this off my chest) It's been 2 years since I left Champaign, but I've still been holding on.  Holding on to people that I once called friend or family even, holding on to things that I was apart of and wanting to still identify as one with them.  I've been holding on to the idea that maybe people aren't as shitty as they seem.  But, truth is....people are.  How does one not practice all they preach?  If anybody ever crossed paths with me and it was not a pleasant experience please tell me.  If anyone ever saw me not being supportive and caring please tell me!  And I've still been supporting even from a far, or at least trying to...Why?...That is the question that I have to now finally address.  Now after being hospitalized three times for believing in something greater...now after my genius has seemingly fallen by the wayside...now after seeing that the people who I held dearly and who I looked up to and who I believed in have not and maybe never have given a legitimate fuck about me.  Never reached out once... I love and appreciate everyone that has, everyone that didn't block or unfriend me or who is still friends with me.  BUT there's a lot of shit that has happened  and that exists today because of my presence...MY LOVE...MY PEACE...and the grace of God most importantly.  People woulda never met.  People woulda never worked together.  Shit would not exist or have happened the way it did...period.  But fuck me right?...You break bread with the same people that talked hella shit about you behind your back...But fuck me right?.....and as tears begin to fall from my eyes...I'm still sitting here just wanting to love...wanting to support...wanting to be there for people...wanting to help people's reach go just a little bit further than the spectrums they've seemingly been confined to.  But as I sit I'm also deciding that it's time for me to love me more...The love I have to give will continue to reach somebody and it will be somebody who appreciates that shit...fuck the fake love, fuck the fake peace.  Be real with your shit...all the dirty shit...I ALWAYS have.  Otherwise...u ain't shit...period.  There's a diss track in this world that exists about me, people speak ill about me and no one speaks up, people fail to acknowledge me as a part of how or why they got to where they are, people have stolen from me and not owned up to that shit...fuck all ya'll.  I love ya'll...but fuck ya'll.  And if you got an issue with this fuck u too cuz it ain't nothin but me ventin...the person who never says shit...the person that doesn't have to "clap back,"  but the person who has had your back...the person who still has your back...if you need love....I got that...but until then or otherwise...Love...Peace...Progression........peace...........love