Barricaded

These keys hold freedom in their possession.
They lock in the depressed and are the source of my oppression,
I spend 40 plus hours a week redirecting
and trying to give people hope
in a place that sees no purpose in perpetuating progression
but rather making money off of special kids who need help dealing with life lessons
....these keys are weapons.
Harming to those that hold them and painful to those left behind because when the door to the outside closes it's magnetized, and both sides realize that this barricade exists not only physically but also in their minds.
..mine saying...
how could you?
Make these kids slaves, lock them up like they're caged, call them by patients and problems instead of by their names while the other side in their mind says...
I'm never leaving this place,
I'm tired of seeing the same faces, but I want to know what it's like, I need some space...
is this what my whole life will be like?
Keys open doors.
who is holding the key to yours?
the key to your life...
the keys to your home...???

Happy Birthday Father =)

Dear Father,
I love you.
When I was younger, I will admit,  I disregarded your existence.  Partly because I didn't want to be hurt is why I did that,  but mainly because I didn't understand. But dad...you are a great man.  As humans,  none of us are perfect.  But as children, which we all are,  we hold expectations of perfection from those who parent us.  It takes a certain level of maturity to love unconditionally,  and that's what my love for you is now.   We know what we've been through but I'm still your daughter and I still love you.   I know feelings are mutual when I say that there's nothin I wouldn't do for you.  I'm glad to be where we are.  I'm happy to have your nose and your freckles and your feet.  I'm happy to be me- and I'm only me because of you.  Thank you...and i thank God for you.   This is long overdue but here's your birthday letter.  I wrote mom a couple when I was younger and you and I were distant but happy birthday pops, hope to see you soon and always, always, always...love you.

Danitra (Neeti)...your baby

Love is a verb

He's stuck in my head playing video games that control the fate of the characterizations of us in my brain.... Washin my pain making me feel like I ain't goin insane. I'm happy Finally loving me Finally loving He Again =)

Proximity

Love is a desire for the unknown Wanting what you fear Knowing nothing but understanding everything Love is faith. And it seems as though it's brought me to this place of intimidation...A junction. But I turn away. Ignoring the fact that there are only two different paths I can take. There's the path where love gives and there's the path where love takes but those are kinda one in the same which is why I'm thinking in my mind it's best to stay in the middle lane actually not the middle lane but riding on the median trying to find a happy medium between pleasure and pain but I'm leaning towards the easy lane, the one that's right that my drive just kinda shifts towards due to the alignment if you're getting what I'm saying. Understanding that I only believe in one love and that's the love that's most demanding...the one that proceeds to break me down when I'm at my strongest then build me up. The one I don't have to wait on to grow up. The one that helps to grow me when the times are tough. What I need. Well...what I feel like I need and what will no doubt satisfy me. But this is territory unknown and the only time the ground is lit is when we're distant...we'll see what happens when we come close.

Lifesaver

Thank God for saving my life. I know I'm not the only one who has questioned their purpose here. I know I'm not the only one who has asked why to answers given and things we cannot change. I've cried for understanding and to be understood...to know why God has kept me so long through what has seemed like hell on earth. Deep down I think we all know why... there's something deep within that drives each of us and terrifies us to think about all at the same time. Our biggest fears tend to be our deepest desires. Typically it's those who do what we're afraid to do that inspire as we believe we're incapable. But there are always things that you can do that someone else can't; know that you are inspirational too...someone looks up to you, but you gotta be here for them to. Once you're gone the memory of you lives on but there's no one here to show them what to do and how to push through. I know I've made it far, moreover I know it's been hard, but I'm still here and it's time to stop sleeping on my dreams and make them reality. I take two steps forward and three steps back so frequently but I'm no longer settling, I'm not giving up, I know I'm still progressing. You can't let go of what you love although it's a struggle to love it, it'll help guide you to where you want to be and you'll be thankful because of it. Be thankful because it's a blessing to be alive...to feel, to heal, to create, to survive...we're power filled people...gifted with choice. Our minds are things that cannot be changed, not even by God himself, he gave us that before he gave us anything else. So decide on something and stop asking why...give yourself a reason to want to live your life, ask and God will supply. I almost didn't make it...to be honest...I wanted to die...but ain't no time like God's timing, patience surmounts pride, you'll get where you want to be. Just appreciate what you have, look forward to where you're going, fight for what u want, LOVE, don't be afraid and don't stop living.

My thoughts...

I hope I get a window seat...then maybe I'll see you in the clouds. Angelic, pure, serene....The definition of love. Your physical pain was minor in comparison to the amount of pain inflicted by the people closest to you...The ones that didn't fully know you...The ones that didn't know love enough to know the need to love one another. I pray they know now...We're family...when my great grandpa died I watched as we screamed at each other and fought the day after. How ridiculous is that? How selfish can we be?...I just hope things change. I'm thankful that you knew I loved you, even if that was from afar. Great Grandma...I love you even if it is from afar. Family...I love you, even if it is from afar...just know that distance is determined by our ability to communicate

Persevere

Lying to yourself 

Spending time that should be saved 

Maintain your focus 

Somethings are just hard

A test of patience and will

but we can do it

You are not alone

Just look around and smile

God is always good 

Transparency

I'm becoming too emotional...

it's okay that I show a little bit of vulnerability but I can't bare it all.  I have to try and convince myself that I don't care at all when really...I do...And I want to. I want to make moments last more than just minutes, more than just hours, more than just months...I want them to be infinite...time suspended.  But no...you have to go, you have to leave, you never stay.  God just didn't write the story that way and I've accepted it.  I accept the fact that my fairy tale may conclude with just I and my king...no Prince Charming and no manifestation of my dreams. But I'm still emotional about it.  I'm unable to say that I don't fantasize or get lost in my mind sometimes where those memories rewind and cause a few tears to fall from my eyes. I don't know what I'm feeling.  But I know there's healing.  There was for them and I know there will be for me.  Right now I just can't see.  Blinded by my emotions just waiting for love to find me...to hold me...to surround me...to be vulnerable with me so that I can bare it all and just be emotionally free

For the Hurt 10-28-12

I'm too strong, I'm too smart, I'm too brave...
When God created me, he built me with the capability to be anything I wanted to be.  He gave me hands so that I could write, fight, and feel.  He gave me feet so that I could walk, pave pathways, and leave footprints.  He gave me a voice so that I could speak...but I never did.  I once let a man dictate my every breath, direct my every step, and dominate my very existence.  He hurt me, abused me, broke me down, then built me up, killed me then resurrected me, cut me then stitched me up, stripped me then clothed me, grew me then mold me...
but I was too strong, too smart, and too brave.
 I knew better than to leave him, than to ever try and deceive him, but that's the same reason I'm here today...because I'm too strong, too smart, and too brave.  I knew better than to leave him and I knew better than to deceive Him....God...He made me for a purpose, not to be worthless, and never to spend time and energy on something that was worth less than the riches I've been blessed with.  I'm rich in His presence and there's nothing any man could claim to bless me with, and there's nothing man can test me with that my God would want me to stress with.  With man it is impossible but not with God for with God all things are possible.  Remember that in the midst of any and every obstacle.  Love yourself and don't expect someone else to do it.  Don't try to fight your Goliaths by yourself when you've got God to help you through it. 
Stay strong...stay smart...and be brave. 
Freedom is God given...man makes you a slave.  Domestic violence is the whip, lack of self and support are the chains.  So rise up and don't be defeated, do not quit, succeed it, when it comes to domestic violence...no pun intended...just beat it.

Blame - 8/4/08

Whose fault is it?  Mine - all the time - mine, mine, mine.
There is always a way 4 my name 2 fill the blank when the question is asked who's to blame?
My mind is in a constant state of pessimism.  Negative insight can be seen in the sight of many when they see the site of me. 
I'm misunderstood.
But- the way people look at me is clearly a correct perception + reflection of me, becuz it is me constantly in a state of lacrimation and me, I, Danitra then take that - meaning their interpretations - or my imagination twists their contemplations in2 fuel 4 my ever flowing frustrations. 
I can't get over myself - in a bad way.
God says I am 4given but my flesh has another say.
Though I'm in this world not of this world the world is fightin 4 me. Tryin 2 damage my mind + corrupt it into thinking faith is not the heavenly key.
I'm hurtin.
This can't be me but everything is God's plan - I'm so happy yet hatin myself so I just don't understand.  But I guess nobody really can.
 All I can say is soon I'll be okay maybe not 2morrow or 2day.  But the lord keeps tellin me the best is yet 2 come so don't throw it away.  Just wait.
Next time I'm asked if I'm okay, I'll just say not yet.
I'm waiting on the day that I can live + not regret. 
And that day is just not here yet... 

16 Haikus for you

What else have I done?

Why are you forgiving me?

I'm done with the past 

You've said this before

Did you not mean it last time?

Do you mean it now?

Am I in the wrong?

I'm just not sure if it's true

only time can tell

You've said many things

I thought I was your best friend

But what am I now?

You up and left me

you threw everything away

I'm just letting you

I don't burn bridges

but we know things need to change

the bridge is just drawn

I've done all I can

I have no more words for you

I'm just loving me

I'll always love you

no matter what was or is

because that is love

I'll keep on praying 

for you, for me...for the world

that's all I can do

God makes things happen

If not he allows them to.

It's all in his hands

Silence is empty

It does not need to be filled

but...it is needed

There's peace in silence 

When your thoughts don't consume you

That's when you've found it

No more I'm sorry

and no more I forgive you

no more need for that

Keep putting God first

Keep growing and keep loving

and I'll do the same

We know what we had

But right now we are nothing 

you're you and I'm me 

You don't have to text

It only confuses me

Love you...be happy 

Magnet

Magnetic Attraction

I feel the pull from different perspectives and am having a difficult time resisting the belief that God suspended time for us last night so that we could feel our future heaven together.  I don't know how many times I've laid with you even when you weren't there, your spirit caressing the lonely traces in my body.  Removing any feeling of tension I have by just allowing me to rest upon you.  You may be the one....magnetic pull....real love

For my Great-Grandpa

My Great-grandpa was a strong man.  Never showed a sign of weakness as he towered above us all, because my great-grandpa was tall.  He had more height than any of us physically and he had more might than the majority of us mentally, and he had a bigger appetite than most of us no matter how skinny he was.  Always tellin us to eat our meals with a piece of bread, my great-grandpa always made sure we were well fed.  Watering the seeds he planted and giving them what they needed while demanding no interference.  Ya see my great-grandpa had a green thumb when it came to gardening.  The fruits he produced provided life, love, and nourishment to the women who produced me.  And to be fortunate enough to feed and have fed off of the things that my great-grandpa grew is a blessing that I pray you have had the chance to experience too.  There was nothing that my great-grandpa couldn't do.  He built things from the ground up with his bare hands,...my great-grandpa was simply a great man.
But...I do believe we're falling short of his greatness, fighting to achieve nothing while fighting each other with obscenities, posting statuses and talking down to one another as though we're not all fam and we don't already have enough enemies. Is this what my great-grandpa gave birth to?  Even if you say it's not, that's how it seems.  Spending so much time bickering we're not catering to our loved ones needs and maybe if we were, the majority of us wouldn't be hurting.  My great-grandpa was a man to celebrate but we only cared when we had time and when we finally found the time we also found it was too late. 
Funerals bring families together from near and from afar.  I would think living in the same proximity does that but I guess that belief is sub-par.  I love my family with all my heart and I definitely love my great-grandpa, but looking around....I don't recognize ya'll.  This ain't what I remember...I'm kinda glad my great-grandpa stopped remembering because this ain't something that I would want him to see.  If he were to remember the seeds he planted he woulda also known that the roots seem to be dying and so with that great-grandpa...Rest in Peace. 

ReminiSCENT

Your scent lingers...stained flesh from you being pressed up against me and the fabrics and fibers of which you laid upon softly tempt me. It's like I'm inhaling ecstasy and every breath I take is recollection of when we rested in each other's presence.  The peace found there is so pleasant, but it doesn't remain.  Lost in the aroma again, you're just a figment of my fantasies that I will never capture.  Time with you is always temporary, and permanency is a dream to me that I doubt will come true...not with you. But maybe with your scent...which while you're gone seems everlasting...filling the void of emptiness and warming my heart, placing a smile on my face.  Smell so rich I can still taste your lips and feel your kiss and you pressed up against me, staining my flesh, atop the fabrics and fibers so soft and comforting.  Just a lingering memory...a lingering scent 

Life

Abuse and accusations from so called accidents
Business, bravery, babies born, and blood shed
Cultures converged collectively as one
Death from all different direction, with dishonesty, and disgrace to be dismissed
Evil things and deeds on this place we call Earth with little ecstatic energy
Families, friends, and fake followers with fiery and furious facades
Good, gracious, and sometimes greedy feelings gather inside of me
Humor, hiding, and hateful messages heard here and there
Intelligent individuals interested in improving imperfection.
Jealousy and joy through a living journey
Kind kinfolk keeping me safe and happy
Love and lies, a long learning experience
Music and media are many masterpieces/massacres made by man
Negative news throughout the nation a natural nuisance to my ears
Overly ostracized from the inside to the outdoors
Proud people full of plenty personality, sometimes too much and it's a pity
Quite a couple quarrels quashed quietly and completely
Relentless, rowdy, and ruthless behavior from wrong doing teens
Sorrow, salvaging, surprises and sports are things found under our sky
Tinkles of turmoil, terror, and treachery throughout this world trapped in a twilight zone
United States we live in under a God to whom we pledge though we are unusually unconcerned for each other we still say we're as one
Very valuable, vivacious, and timid our lives should be varnished and revived
Wishing, wondering, waiting to be welcome in the world
X-rays should be enhanced so we can look into our lives and realize that we may fall and we may rise
Yesterday will never come again so make yours live till today
Zooming through our lives can make us miss our zeniths so we should make them zesty

*written by my 8th grade self*

Poetry

Poetry I find interesting
With it you can express anything
Some emotions may sprout from what people write
Happiness, sadness, joy, and even spite
There are no limitations to what you can say
To hear the things you feel, many people will pay
Music is poetry a thing we all love
For those who know and can see above
Poetry can be very fun
So go out and try to write some.

Arts

Different ways to express feelings and emotions
Through music, acting, singing, drawing, writing, and speaking.
All these things bring happiness, sadness, and many thoughts
Art is a part of all of our lives.
As human beings we are art.
Art is everything.

R. M. S. (For my bestfriend)

Reggie is his real name, I don't call him that though

Maurice is his middle name, that is what he goes by

Silly, strange, and extremely special, that explains
                   Why he acts so stupid

D. R. P.

Danitra is devoted, determined, and distinguishable
Reliable, Respectful, yet rowdy she really is
Positive, proud, and full of pride
Poetically perfect in every way

PLEASE SUPPORT #RT #RT "This is the Dedication Page of my book"

I dedicate this book to myself.
The reason why I chose this dedication was
that I've done a lot for myself.  I've never
turned my back on me and I lived my life.
No one else lived my life for me, made my decisions,
influenced, or wrote this book.  I did it
all, that's why I dedicate this book to me.