(the night of) 9-9-09

My eyes overflow with tears constantly. i'm the diamond in the rough but nobody can seem to dig me out. they give up, and i'm left stuck...drowning in the puddles which my tears have pitter pattered on my pillows. sheltered only by darkness, which isn't a safe place at all. In the dark is where the bad things crawl. the negative thoughts, the pessimism, the anger, the confusion, and the downfall. All because of you. i'm left alone...to fend for myself, to live solely for myself, to love me and nobody else. You've extinguished the flame within me. My heart is ice now. Though it has the capability to melt it also is capable of being broken numerous times. shattering into lots of little pieces but never going back to its original state. i really don't kno what else to say or what i just said. i'm just writing...the only thing that can't steal my joy away, break my heart, or strand me and make me lonely. My outlet to express my emotions which u couldn't handle and what it seems u barely possessed now i'm a mess. The tears stopped flowing, but this pain i feel....this pain, is forever.

(the mornin after...)

Sealed shut by the secretion of pain from my eyes
I can't see. I can't show my face. Swollen by hurt.
I wake up just to find the same tears rolling down my cheek
I thought it was a nightmare
and that when i woke i would still be living like the princess of a fairytale
But i was wrong...
my face feels disfigured and my heart is torn
i'm scarred to the bone, lost, afraid, and alone.
How can i explain it to my royal subjects?
I guess i'll say "I....so satisfied and high upon my throne have fallen, have gone from the top to barely rock bottom. I've been pushed out of that high seat and now i'm crawlin for scraps, tryna keep my mind right but the time for that has elapsed. I'm goin crazy, not sane but insanely. Sickly in the heart and in the mind, thought u were one of a kind but u broke me. You've killed me internally and you didn't even choke me. You let me go and you let...me...down. My prince with whom i shared the crown has let...me...down, with no safety net or harness you let...me...down. Nobody to catch me, nobody to hold me you let...me...down. Nobody to turn to, nobody to love me, nobody to run to whatever my needs b you let...me...down. And u may as well not even search for me on the ground because i'm under, i'm buried by my sorrows, resting in the darkness, waitin for a smile, but i don't think i will find one. I think time is just up for me and love and im done tryin. I don't think i will ever stop cryin..." 

In The Zone

Hey everyone, sorry I didn't post anything yesterday.  I'm thinking about moving away from the daily posts to something less frequent like maybe 2-3 times a week, I don't know, haven't decided yet.  I'd love to hear what ya'll think.  But anyway CHICAGO dwellers!!!!!!!!! COME SEE ME and my friends (no shade to my friends because they're lowercased lol) perform TONIGHT at 6PM at LOGAN ARTS CENTER 915 E 60th ST.  $5 before 7PM.  It's gonna be a positive place and I'd love to see ya'll there =) #LovePeaceProgress

I Get Around

How many times have you screamed at God or cried out to him? How many times have you thanked him? How many times have you told him that you loved him? How many more to come?

Life cycles and we find ourselves back in the same places, same situations, and surrounded by similar faces...but do we approach them with patience, ignorant frustration, or crumbling devastation. We have to stay strong. We live, we learn, we grow. Just know that no matter which way you go, chances are you'll end up back at ground zero.
But.... that's where you start to build, you need a foundation and plans focused on resurrection. However, if you fail or feel a little loss, by continuing to follow him, you'll be led in the right direction.

Love, Peace, & Progression

Living in Denial

We take the moments we have for granted and choose not to grab from them. To take away the things that drew us to them seems like a waste, when if we could place ourselves in the same shoes we were in when we were in those situations... things would be different.  In those places we have the want to remain but hate to admit it in the present day because it reminds us of our flaws, reminds us of our pain, reinforces our reality, the mundane day to day.  We're afraid to challenge ourselves and show our faith.  Afraid to be alone, we're afraid of leaving those we're with because it may make us seem selfish when really you're doing everyone a favor by just being honest.  You insult, place blame, point fingers, and call others out of their name because you're stuck.  You messed up.  You have to live with fact that you chose to eff yourself by denying yourself and lying to yourself about what it is you really wanted and still think about a good chunk of the time.  And it hurts for me to see you feel this way, it hurts that you choose to inflict this pain when cure has been given.  You're free.  But you choose not to be and psychologically place yourself in a box consumed by your thoughts.  I just want you to step out of that.  I can deal with the disgrace and lies you tell people because despite the mask you wear I see the real face.  Underneath the facade I see you about to suffocate, you're literally killing yourself.  You're letting your life waste away...but that's what happens when you let all your tomorrows remind you of your yesterdays, instead of doing what's best for you and living for today.

Socratic Irony

Reality is...we know less than we think we do, do less than we need to do, and feel as though no one else can tell us what we ought to do.  The reality in that is that we spend most of our lives trying to figure out who we were made to be and what we were made to do....all in all not really knowing ourselves as well as we think we do.  

Reality is...we're not supposed to be comfortable.  Each time we start to feel comfortable physically our bodies change and forcibly place us in situations of discomfort.  Learning to walk and subsequently fall.  The agonizing pain of teething.  The psychological challenges of puberty.  All things are necessary parts of growth.

That's why there's an eeriness to placidity.  When things are completely still, with no disruption, and no movement....sounds like death.  Even in our sleep we move because reality is we have to.

There's growth in education, whether you're the teacher or the student.  We're created to be both...but reality is...we don't know how...and we're the reason why we don't.

Questions

Would we all look the same if we never learned to tame our NATURAL ways? 
Maybe not the same but similar, surrounded by faces that look FAMILIAR.
If we were hunters and gatherers for all of our lives, would no one fall victim to the super-sized….would we all be HEALTHY? 
If we never created money would we all be WEALTHY? 
If no languages were created, how then would things be communicated?
If there were no schools would we all be fools? 
If we had no names wouldn’t we all be the same? 
And wouldn’t that make sense? 
BORN in iniquity yet EQUAL cuz we’re shaped in his image

Class of 2014- This is for You....

You have to click the link to see the actual post...sorry =/ My Speech at Last Year's Black Congratulatory

My Dedication to the Class of 2013 at Black Congratulatory last year.  Class of 2014 and classes to come, the message applies to you too.  CONGRATULATIONS EVERYONE!!!!!!! #KNOCK #LovePeaceProgression #PS #MoreToCome #EverythingIsGr8

The Markings of My Temple

I loved you, you were my everything.  You brought me to Christ and made me realize through his eyes that I'm here because of his grace.  Face it and you'll see where my heart lays.  For real...but that don't mean that it's always okay which is why I say that clouds that are gray are a good thing because you can't ever grow without rain.  I tell the world when you get raised you will get praised for not being or saying the same as everyone.  But still don't get crazed although life is a maze, stay on the right path or get buried for days.  RIP to your fam because he ain't walk the right way although he was created to.  They slated you as a criminal because of your physical I just pray that your spiritual was destined for eternal shining...but I mean a lot of the world needs to know to keep their lights shining.  You're not the only one.  Which is why I try to show them by exposing a part of me.  So that they may see that although scarred on the surface our meaning lies deeper within.


Map

1. A cross at the top of my spine and the base of my neck with a heart in the middle composed of a bass clef and treble clef.

2. Ecclesiastes 7:3 - Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better. Located on my left rib-cage, nearest my heart.

3. Romans 12:2 - ...be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind,... Located on my right rib-cage, upper right side.

4. Proverbs 3:5-6 - Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Located on my lower right side, nearest my hip.

5. Psalms 115:7 - ...feet have they, but they walk not...Located on my right foot

6. II Corinthians 4:18 - ...look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal. Located down my spine.

7. Luke 11:35 - Take heed therefore that the light which is in thee be not darkness. Located on my left thigh.

I'll Wait

Many times God I've tried to fill your position with a worldly person that was not you
I placed all my faith into him and he placed of his into me
Unsuccessfully...because what we were trying to uphold was unGodly
And yet...with those thoughts beside me I failed to realize that one guy I needed was you
So...I continued to cry tear after tear not knowing why...but the answer was as simple as 2+2
You God...I needed you
You tested me and took away what i thought was best for me...
I thought I'd lost my other half but God your are the rest of me
All the pain i endured and time i spent weeping were just ingredients in your divine recipe
And now i know patience...
And now i know humility...
I find myself sitting back watching the clock tick-tock peacefully...
saying to my self I'll wait, I'll wait....
I'll wait for you God till eternity

Written June 11, 2010 at 12:26am

What We Are

I can't help but notice that every time we're together it's storming...

See any couple can say that when they're with their significant other there's not a cloud in the sky,

that the sun shines high, and it's the perfect weather.

But it takes somethin' special to bring the storm out.  

Only a real connection can cause the moon to hide behind the clouds, the stars to fall from the sky, and the galaxy to cry ...and that's what we have.

even when we're not physically near each other there's a flash and a boom 'cause we're striking one another

no not hittin' or slapping but we're lightning...lightin' up with one another

gettin' high off one another

gazing upon the other's face...just to get by from one day to the other

we are thunderous, a force to be reckoned with shaking the world 

Startling them into uncertainty because we make it seem like the earth is quaking

We're powerful.  Overwhelming like a flood.

We're a storm.  Beautiful to watch but dangerous when you try to intervene, 

so know that nothing can come between 

and notice that every time we're together...it's storming

Written April 11, 2011 at 3:14am

STUDY BREAK!

I just met him 3 weeks ago, though I've known of him for years.  I never ever thought that we...would be here.  I never ever thought that I would jump back into this thing I fear...this seemingly perfect, so surreal thing that I can't help but feel.  We're falling in love, probably already there but I think a part of us is still afraid to say we are.  Afraid that time is playing games on us and that this time around we're not making another mistake and thus scarring our every belief that a "we" could exist with anybody.  We're trying to take it slow but when falling from a low to a high gravity has no hold and it can't pull us back from where we're destined to go.

Written July 13, 2011 by Danitra Pope i.e. P.S.

Sexy Brown Eyes Vlog-Blog

Sexy Brown Eyes

He's a nice guy...sexy brown eyes...and I realized he's eyeing me constantly.  I must be out my mind, on a trip, while he slowly licks his lips.  I think about the song "I dip, you dip, we dip," but then we strip and then we both be naked - nude - standing side by side but acting prude.  We both know what we could do or be doing, we're both thinkin' "Me and you <3" and...the many ways to put it in....slow motion not fast, but romantically exotic; feelin' higher than the weedhead who lives and breathes the chronic. " Isn't it ironic, don't you think?" that we met this way when just the other other day, I began to say, "It's over, I give up! My life, I can no longer live it up!"  But that's what's up, cuz you...you came through and made me do what and now it's me and you, my new boo =).  The only one that makes me scream, makes me cream, and that is only in my dreams.  I'm thinkin' one day you'll get in between my sheets, not talkin' paper, I'm a lyrical love raper, never let my love taper.  Taking advantage of it, handle of it...but not sure if you can manage it, don't damage it.  My heart is weak.  You leave me with no words to speak call me a little geek.  Cuz I study you baby, your mind and what you do baby, just basically all of you lately you got me goin' too crazy because your body's bangin', got my bottom jaw a hangin', and I know you keeps it swangin', and you make me feel like sangin', but NOT like the Snickers guy.  I'm not even gonna lie, you my caramel, nuts, and nougat; hunger only you can satisify.  I tell them other dudes don't try cuz like Talib Kweli, I need you just to get by.  Just start this ish off, step to me, and say hi =D!!!!! *waves and smiles*

For Jonylah...[the vigil] 3-14-2013

First thank you to the lovely men of Omega Psi Phi Fraternity, Inc. for hosting this vigil, your hearts were seen and heard, and these words were never meant to offend, but to inspire. #LovePeaceProgression 

I'm not gonna ask why this happened because I don't know how many more tears I can cry for questions with no answers.  We stand here unified but with the unsettling realization that our silence, this moment of silence will be unheard.  Why is it that we wait for things like this t happen in order to notice that things aren't right?  Ignorance is eradicating innocence and negligence holds all relevance in today's society.  How are we so blind when God has granted us the ability to witness so many times?  Lord knows that Chicago has seen enough people die and on a larger scale: 9/11, Sandy Hook, Virginia Tech, Colorado, and Columbine.  How do we not see those clear cut signs that there's something wrong with us?  I say us because of where we are now.  If it didn't have something to do with us, well then why are we here standing around?  It's because it does.  I'm related to a person who just last year murdered her two year old son.  It's 18 days prior to the one year anniversary and we're here having a vigil for an infant who died by the gun.  Shot 5 times they say...but now what can we do?  My only answer would be to pray.  There's no point in asking why, how, or who...People that commit crimes like these are sick and in my stomach create a feeling that's nauseous but to me they're no worse than me or you because believe it or not several of them know not what they do.  I do my best not to judge cuz that's what the bible says NOT to do, but most of us would feel better if the people that committed these crimes just dies too.  Don't you see that solves nothing?  Don't you see that we need to take action and actually do something?  Something more than just this, no offense but I doubt us standing here in the cold, candles lit, and mouths closed is making much difference.  We need to start rebuilding and reconstructing our beliefs.  We need to learn that love, the first and greatest commandment, actually can conquer everything.  If people received enough love they wouldn't wanna be in the streets, if they received positive reinforcement rather than conflict with police enforcers what reason would there be to pack heat?  If gangs respected each other when they crossed territorial lines, there wouldn't be collisions when they meet.  If we got up and raised our fists altogether there would be no declaration of defeat.  And I refuse to lose so I'm here telling you...WE have the power to change things, not by casting fake sorrows and temporary tears but by making the conscious effort to stop blaming, to stop hating, and to start loving one another again.  The only question that I stand here willing to ask is...when?  But for now, let's bow our heads....close our eyes...and prepare to say Amen.

4.24.13 - 12:21am

When I write I aim to capture the ears of the deaf and the eyes of the blind, to change a life one word at a time...if this world were mine I would rewrite history in a way that speaks uniquely to each and every individual mind.  But in a way of which they understand that I'm only here trying to help guide them, to help arrive them at a place not by mistake, but a place where they can realize that they're the authors of their own fate.  They just need to seek knowledge or find someone who's willing to translate.  Create conjunctions out of malfunctions and make sentences out of senselessness to write a novel about perfection and all of its censorship.  Not masking our errors or deciding what's fair or disguising the things that provide our most obvious perceptions.  Redirection is key and I just hope that one day I may prescribe you with the right lens to correct your astigmatisms and speak so loudly that people's ears ring...and the only thing they hear becomes their pulses's rhythm.  Then...with the right timing, I hope that one day I may change the entire world with my writing.

...Poem #2 [DISCLAIMER: I like to write using metaphors for things more meaningful] - 6/26

I love the way you snatch me out of my place of resting and excite me...grabbing me firmly and not letting go until you get what you want out of me.  Sometimes I feel like you're using me but I'm usually down for doing whatever you wanna do.  You slap my backside to punish me for not doing what I'm told - for running away and trying to escape your hold - for not submitting myself to you.  You try to force all of yourself on me or in me and although the thought of you controlling me is pleasing...I can't help but fear.  There is a satisfying pain in the strength that you have but what happens if I continue to make you mad? Will you strike me?  I mean it's rough nightly but sometimes I just want you to love me more politely.  But what would it then feel like - would that be real life?  I don't think so...You can't change without friction and so this painful affliction I endure with you...I'm more than happy to.  Because...you're helping me grow and one day I can hopefully show you that I like it rough - and I don't mind an occasional hard tap or grab - I'll take all of you in and in doing so be glad.

June 26th - Poem #1

I feel like I'm procrastinating when it comes to my progression.  The assignment that God has dealt me is just something I don't wanna turn in and I'm contemplating failing life's lessons.  It's crazy cuz it's not that I lack the knowledge or ability to get things done - it's just that my mind is encamped by my negligent wants to have fun- to turn up some - to let loose for a night but...it's never just one.  I'm gifted but I'm tempted by the pleasant taste of emptiness.  Not feeling too full to me is better than to be fed because when I'm fed there's no more reason for me to want things so I'm prolonging the process and pushing back my purpose while trying to persuade people to continually progress.  I'm a hypocrite.  Blocking myself from my betterment and the only interfering element is me.  I'm destined to succeed but right now successful is not a place I wanna be.  But the day is coming and it will only begin by me deciding to live out the life that God has already signed, sealed, and delivered to me through my writing.