Thank God for saving my life. I know I'm not the only one who has questioned their purpose here. I know I'm not the only one who has asked why to answers given and things we cannot change. I've cried for understanding and to be understood...to know why God has kept me so long through what has seemed like hell on earth. Deep down I think we all know why... there's something deep within that drives each of us and terrifies us to think about all at the same time. Our biggest fears tend to be our deepest desires. Typically it's those who do what we're afraid to do that inspire as we believe we're incapable. But there are always things that you can do that someone else can't; know that you are inspirational too...someone looks up to you, but you gotta be here for them to. Once you're gone the memory of you lives on but there's no one here to show them what to do and how to push through. I know I've made it far, moreover I know it's been hard, but I'm still here and it's time to stop sleeping on my dreams and make them reality. I take two steps forward and three steps back so frequently but I'm no longer settling, I'm not giving up, I know I'm still progressing. You can't let go of what you love although it's a struggle to love it, it'll help guide you to where you want to be and you'll be thankful because of it. Be thankful because it's a blessing to be alive...to feel, to heal, to create, to survive...we're power filled people...gifted with choice. Our minds are things that cannot be changed, not even by God himself, he gave us that before he gave us anything else. So decide on something and stop asking why...give yourself a reason to want to live your life, ask and God will supply. I almost didn't make it...to be honest...I wanted to die...but ain't no time like God's timing, patience surmounts pride, you'll get where you want to be. Just appreciate what you have, look forward to where you're going, fight for what u want, LOVE, don't be afraid and don't stop living.
This blog is organized chaos, in other words life. All of the words here are inspired by reality, my life and the lives of others. You'll be surprised, offended, enlightened, and entertained...enjoy...Diary of Me =) (please feel free to ask questions, share, and leave comments)
Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts
Sunday, December 28, 2014
Lifesaver
Labels:
death,
depression,
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faith,
fear,
fight,
God,
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hate,
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patience,
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Wednesday, December 17, 2014
My thoughts...
I hope I get a window seat...then maybe I'll see you in the clouds. Angelic, pure, serene....The definition of love. Your physical pain was minor in comparison to the amount of pain inflicted by the people closest to you...The ones that didn't fully know you...The ones that didn't know love enough to know the need to love one another. I pray they know now...We're family...when my great grandpa died I watched as we screamed at each other and fought the day after. How ridiculous is that? How selfish can we be?...I just hope things change. I'm thankful that you knew I loved you, even if that was from afar. Great Grandma...I love you even if it is from afar. Family...I love you, even if it is from afar...just know that distance is determined by our ability to communicate
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
Blame - 8/4/08
Whose fault is it? Mine - all the time - mine, mine, mine.
There is always a way 4 my name 2 fill the blank when the question is asked who's to blame?
My mind is in a constant state of pessimism. Negative insight can be seen in the sight of many when they see the site of me.
I'm misunderstood.
But- the way people look at me is clearly a correct perception + reflection of me, becuz it is me constantly in a state of lacrimation and me, I, Danitra then take that - meaning their interpretations - or my imagination twists their contemplations in2 fuel 4 my ever flowing frustrations.
I can't get over myself - in a bad way.
God says I am 4given but my flesh has another say.
Though I'm in this world not of this world the world is fightin 4 me. Tryin 2 damage my mind + corrupt it into thinking faith is not the heavenly key.
I'm hurtin.
This can't be me but everything is God's plan - I'm so happy yet hatin myself so I just don't understand. But I guess nobody really can.
All I can say is soon I'll be okay maybe not 2morrow or 2day. But the lord keeps tellin me the best is yet 2 come so don't throw it away. Just wait.
Next time I'm asked if I'm okay, I'll just say not yet.
I'm waiting on the day that I can live + not regret.
And that day is just not here yet...
There is always a way 4 my name 2 fill the blank when the question is asked who's to blame?
My mind is in a constant state of pessimism. Negative insight can be seen in the sight of many when they see the site of me.
I'm misunderstood.
But- the way people look at me is clearly a correct perception + reflection of me, becuz it is me constantly in a state of lacrimation and me, I, Danitra then take that - meaning their interpretations - or my imagination twists their contemplations in2 fuel 4 my ever flowing frustrations.
I can't get over myself - in a bad way.
God says I am 4given but my flesh has another say.
Though I'm in this world not of this world the world is fightin 4 me. Tryin 2 damage my mind + corrupt it into thinking faith is not the heavenly key.
I'm hurtin.
This can't be me but everything is God's plan - I'm so happy yet hatin myself so I just don't understand. But I guess nobody really can.
All I can say is soon I'll be okay maybe not 2morrow or 2day. But the lord keeps tellin me the best is yet 2 come so don't throw it away. Just wait.
Next time I'm asked if I'm okay, I'll just say not yet.
I'm waiting on the day that I can live + not regret.
And that day is just not here yet...
Thursday, October 02, 2014
For my Great-Grandpa
My Great-grandpa was a strong man. Never showed a sign of weakness as he towered above us all, because my great-grandpa was tall. He had more height than any of us physically and he had more might than the majority of us mentally, and he had a bigger appetite than most of us no matter how skinny he was. Always tellin us to eat our meals with a piece of bread, my great-grandpa always made sure we were well fed. Watering the seeds he planted and giving them what they needed while demanding no interference. Ya see my great-grandpa had a green thumb when it came to gardening. The fruits he produced provided life, love, and nourishment to the women who produced me. And to be fortunate enough to feed and have fed off of the things that my great-grandpa grew is a blessing that I pray you have had the chance to experience too. There was nothing that my great-grandpa couldn't do. He built things from the ground up with his bare hands,...my great-grandpa was simply a great man.
But...I do believe we're falling short of his greatness, fighting to achieve nothing while fighting each other with obscenities, posting statuses and talking down to one another as though we're not all fam and we don't already have enough enemies. Is this what my great-grandpa gave birth to? Even if you say it's not, that's how it seems. Spending so much time bickering we're not catering to our loved ones needs and maybe if we were, the majority of us wouldn't be hurting. My great-grandpa was a man to celebrate but we only cared when we had time and when we finally found the time we also found it was too late.
Funerals bring families together from near and from afar. I would think living in the same proximity does that but I guess that belief is sub-par. I love my family with all my heart and I definitely love my great-grandpa, but looking around....I don't recognize ya'll. This ain't what I remember...I'm kinda glad my great-grandpa stopped remembering because this ain't something that I would want him to see. If he were to remember the seeds he planted he woulda also known that the roots seem to be dying and so with that great-grandpa...Rest in Peace.
But...I do believe we're falling short of his greatness, fighting to achieve nothing while fighting each other with obscenities, posting statuses and talking down to one another as though we're not all fam and we don't already have enough enemies. Is this what my great-grandpa gave birth to? Even if you say it's not, that's how it seems. Spending so much time bickering we're not catering to our loved ones needs and maybe if we were, the majority of us wouldn't be hurting. My great-grandpa was a man to celebrate but we only cared when we had time and when we finally found the time we also found it was too late.
Funerals bring families together from near and from afar. I would think living in the same proximity does that but I guess that belief is sub-par. I love my family with all my heart and I definitely love my great-grandpa, but looking around....I don't recognize ya'll. This ain't what I remember...I'm kinda glad my great-grandpa stopped remembering because this ain't something that I would want him to see. If he were to remember the seeds he planted he woulda also known that the roots seem to be dying and so with that great-grandpa...Rest in Peace.
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
I want
The sadness that fills me at the thought of you leaving me is endless.
Any part of a smile that may have rested upon my lips escapes me.
My enchantment...how I will forever long for thee.
Thee flame that burns within your heart is what I yearn to spark again within me. Inside where I'm cold, lonely, and dark, you've illuminated the vacant cavity with life and with love.
You are more than what you think and you mean more than what you think you do to me. For real...
...but if my silence is what you want and what you need then
peace....love....and progression....to you still.
Monday, September 08, 2014
Saturday, July 12, 2014
****FEATURE****A Letter From Son to Mother...
I will read your clues in due time... but in the meantime i really need you to give me my space... i also need you to speak to me like a human being when you ask me to do something instead of yelling. maybe ask a friend to speak if you cant u the gumption to actually explain why you are behaving in the way that you are and your direction for my life.
I have seen many things that you haven't. And vice versa. You have to acknowledge that many of these viewpoints have taken hold just like your fears have done for you. For example. your fear of dogs and weed. I was convinced that these things would tear me apart just like they allegedly did you. But when I got to college these fears naturally drifted away as my peers convinced me that they were truly rubbish. You're not going to always like what I do. But you have to accept it or your very presence in my life will be misconstrued and eventually neutralized to your detriment.
I know you care but worry isn't going to help. Instead of threatening you should let me find out the hard way. I need advice rather than a tight gripping hand. If you let the world beat me than you then we can both succeed because success is written into my plans automatically. If what I deem as success goes along the path that you map out then I will comply. If not I will ignore you.
Monday, June 09, 2014
Doo Doo Danitra (3D)
As I approached the finish line
I just knew a solid 2nd place was mine
I probably could have got #1
But something mushy leaked from my bum
How could this happen when I'm about to graduate
Why did I run and hold it in when I knew it was too late
I laughed so much I almost cried
There was no reason not to, it wasn't something I could hide
So I gathered my belonging and walked to leave the meet
But when I was walking it all sank to my feet...
Yup....I pooped on myself in 8th grade. Hands down most embarrassing moment of my life.
My name went from Danitra Pope to Danitra Poop instantly...
*logs off and hangs head in shame*
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