Proximity

Love is a desire for the unknown Wanting what you fear Knowing nothing but understanding everything Love is faith. And it seems as though it's brought me to this place of intimidation...A junction. But I turn away. Ignoring the fact that there are only two different paths I can take. There's the path where love gives and there's the path where love takes but those are kinda one in the same which is why I'm thinking in my mind it's best to stay in the middle lane actually not the middle lane but riding on the median trying to find a happy medium between pleasure and pain but I'm leaning towards the easy lane, the one that's right that my drive just kinda shifts towards due to the alignment if you're getting what I'm saying. Understanding that I only believe in one love and that's the love that's most demanding...the one that proceeds to break me down when I'm at my strongest then build me up. The one I don't have to wait on to grow up. The one that helps to grow me when the times are tough. What I need. Well...what I feel like I need and what will no doubt satisfy me. But this is territory unknown and the only time the ground is lit is when we're distant...we'll see what happens when we come close.

My First Time....

Everybody must remember their very first time...
that first intertwine...
that body on body...
mind focused on mind...
that mmmmm.
I definitely remember mine.
See it wasn't that romantically exquisite, intimate, candles lit,
it was me climbing on top taking it slowly, yet swiftly
at the tender age of 13.
Yea....me.
Exposed to sex prematurely I allowed the lust and his touch and his touch and his touch to consume me
Living by the motto "I'm just doin me" but realistically everybody was doin me
Shoot I was every man's best friend
Quick to lend a hand and fast to use my head
That...was me.
But look at me now
Not the sight you'd expect to see
Not pregnant, never burnt, nor infected with AIDs or HIV,
not raped, buried in the ground, prostituting or anything
Ya see cuz me...I'm blessed
All that mess was just a test and thankfully I've passed.
I've relinquished that temptation because I refuse to receive condemnation or damnation
 for satisfying some dude's need for ejaculation
That ain't me no more.
Go head and say it, "Danitra you was a whore"
Because I know that in the bible Hebrews 13:4, it says "God will judge"
And therefore I ain't worried none.
I've repented my sins and ain't relapsing again and for those of you that think I will...think again.

And for those of you out there still "doin you," I ain't mad at you, how could I be?...
It's just that one day I hope you've made it this far, and by the grace of God are proud enough to stand up and say...
Look at me.

(the night of) 9-9-09

My eyes overflow with tears constantly. i'm the diamond in the rough but nobody can seem to dig me out. they give up, and i'm left stuck...drowning in the puddles which my tears have pitter pattered on my pillows. sheltered only by darkness, which isn't a safe place at all. In the dark is where the bad things crawl. the negative thoughts, the pessimism, the anger, the confusion, and the downfall. All because of you. i'm left alone...to fend for myself, to live solely for myself, to love me and nobody else. You've extinguished the flame within me. My heart is ice now. Though it has the capability to melt it also is capable of being broken numerous times. shattering into lots of little pieces but never going back to its original state. i really don't kno what else to say or what i just said. i'm just writing...the only thing that can't steal my joy away, break my heart, or strand me and make me lonely. My outlet to express my emotions which u couldn't handle and what it seems u barely possessed now i'm a mess. The tears stopped flowing, but this pain i feel....this pain, is forever.

I Get Around

How many times have you screamed at God or cried out to him? How many times have you thanked him? How many times have you told him that you loved him? How many more to come?

Life cycles and we find ourselves back in the same places, same situations, and surrounded by similar faces...but do we approach them with patience, ignorant frustration, or crumbling devastation. We have to stay strong. We live, we learn, we grow. Just know that no matter which way you go, chances are you'll end up back at ground zero.
But.... that's where you start to build, you need a foundation and plans focused on resurrection. However, if you fail or feel a little loss, by continuing to follow him, you'll be led in the right direction.

Love, Peace, & Progression

For Jonylah...[the vigil] 3-14-2013

First thank you to the lovely men of Omega Psi Phi Fraternity, Inc. for hosting this vigil, your hearts were seen and heard, and these words were never meant to offend, but to inspire. #LovePeaceProgression 

I'm not gonna ask why this happened because I don't know how many more tears I can cry for questions with no answers.  We stand here unified but with the unsettling realization that our silence, this moment of silence will be unheard.  Why is it that we wait for things like this t happen in order to notice that things aren't right?  Ignorance is eradicating innocence and negligence holds all relevance in today's society.  How are we so blind when God has granted us the ability to witness so many times?  Lord knows that Chicago has seen enough people die and on a larger scale: 9/11, Sandy Hook, Virginia Tech, Colorado, and Columbine.  How do we not see those clear cut signs that there's something wrong with us?  I say us because of where we are now.  If it didn't have something to do with us, well then why are we here standing around?  It's because it does.  I'm related to a person who just last year murdered her two year old son.  It's 18 days prior to the one year anniversary and we're here having a vigil for an infant who died by the gun.  Shot 5 times they say...but now what can we do?  My only answer would be to pray.  There's no point in asking why, how, or who...People that commit crimes like these are sick and in my stomach create a feeling that's nauseous but to me they're no worse than me or you because believe it or not several of them know not what they do.  I do my best not to judge cuz that's what the bible says NOT to do, but most of us would feel better if the people that committed these crimes just dies too.  Don't you see that solves nothing?  Don't you see that we need to take action and actually do something?  Something more than just this, no offense but I doubt us standing here in the cold, candles lit, and mouths closed is making much difference.  We need to start rebuilding and reconstructing our beliefs.  We need to learn that love, the first and greatest commandment, actually can conquer everything.  If people received enough love they wouldn't wanna be in the streets, if they received positive reinforcement rather than conflict with police enforcers what reason would there be to pack heat?  If gangs respected each other when they crossed territorial lines, there wouldn't be collisions when they meet.  If we got up and raised our fists altogether there would be no declaration of defeat.  And I refuse to lose so I'm here telling you...WE have the power to change things, not by casting fake sorrows and temporary tears but by making the conscious effort to stop blaming, to stop hating, and to start loving one another again.  The only question that I stand here willing to ask is...when?  But for now, let's bow our heads....close our eyes...and prepare to say Amen.

...Poem #2 [DISCLAIMER: I like to write using metaphors for things more meaningful] - 6/26

I love the way you snatch me out of my place of resting and excite me...grabbing me firmly and not letting go until you get what you want out of me.  Sometimes I feel like you're using me but I'm usually down for doing whatever you wanna do.  You slap my backside to punish me for not doing what I'm told - for running away and trying to escape your hold - for not submitting myself to you.  You try to force all of yourself on me or in me and although the thought of you controlling me is pleasing...I can't help but fear.  There is a satisfying pain in the strength that you have but what happens if I continue to make you mad? Will you strike me?  I mean it's rough nightly but sometimes I just want you to love me more politely.  But what would it then feel like - would that be real life?  I don't think so...You can't change without friction and so this painful affliction I endure with you...I'm more than happy to.  Because...you're helping me grow and one day I can hopefully show you that I like it rough - and I don't mind an occasional hard tap or grab - I'll take all of you in and in doing so be glad.