"You are my everything"

God-
You are my everything =) You are the only one who can tear me down and pick me back up.  You are life unimagineable.  You changed me and showed me your mercy and your grace and the love that I've always wanted.  You have changed me with your heart and your intent to love me and willingness to serve me as a servant of you.  You are everything - my everything.  Thank you.

12-6-2015

12-6-2015
I know that the enemy is attacking me Lord, but I also know that no weapon formed against me shall prosper. "I will call on the lord who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies."  I will not be defeated in Jesus' name.  There is a call on my life to do more and although I know not what it is - I'm here and I'm ready, waiting patiently (or as patiently as possible) for you.  Have your way God.  I love you more than anything because of all you've done for me, all you're doing, and all you're going to do.

Thank you
Psalm 18:3

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11-8-2015

11-8-2015
Today is a new day God.  I mean that more than I've ever meant it before lol.  It's funny that it's the 8th too - the number of new beginnings.  I'm excited about it.  I want to be sad - my flesh wants to cry and throw tantrums and scream and be angry - but I know that great things are in store for me.  They always are.  I just get so impatient and I just want everything right now...still do...but I must realize that I do have everything because I have God.  I believe you'll get me through whatever it is that I face.  With you all things are possible.  That is why I've failed for so long.  I've been relying too heavily on man and they have not ceased to let me fall but they've also lifted me up and drawn me closer to you.  I thank you for all of them God and for the life I have now.  I wouldn't change it for anything in the world.  More of you is all I want God and all I ask.  I love you God in the name of Jesus.

(Why does this pen ink keep changing colors? lol)

(Happy Birthday Great-Grandma)

11-5-2015 part 2

11-5-2015 part 2
I know I'm not supposed to understand everything...but that ain't you God.  It's sometimes hard to tell where you truthfully reside.  I catch glimpses of you.  Whether or not it's reality or my own will is the question.  I try to see the best in all people and acknowledge the potential they have to get there.  But if they refuse to grow, there's just nothing I can do right?  Just pray for them.  God grant my loved ones the gift of forgiveness.  The ability to look past the flaws of the flesh and see you.  I truly am sorry.  You know my conscious mind does not behave that way.  Have your way God.

11-5-2015

11-5-2015

I don't know how tired you want me to be.  I don't know what else you want me to give up.  I feel more and more like I don't want want to live while waiting for whatever or whoever.  Help is needed.  You are needed. I should be saying that to myself.  Lead the way - I trust you.  Just tired...really tired.

11-1-2015 part 2

11-1-2015

WTF God? lol come on son....(please)

11-1-2015

This was the day after coming home from the hospital...I had been there for about 5-6 days

11-1-2015
I've been on a spiritual trip for about a month now God.  I've cried a lot of tears...tears of sadness, tears of joy, tears of remembrance...and through it all you've shown yourself to be true.  During this time I've done things I've never done before and you've protected me and kept me safe and for that I thank you.  I truly owe my life to you God and I'm ready for you to take complete control.  I'm working to deny my flesh the pleasures that it enjoys in hopes that you will provide me with something greater...something that I've never felt before.  I want to be comfortable and maintain the peace you've given me in order for your will to be done.  But you know what I want God.  More importantly, you know what I need.  I want what I need now more than ever.  Please guide me to where I'm supposed to go.  I'll follow you.  I am ready to love...you.

Day Eleven

Forever Yours 10.25.15

Forever Yours 10.25.15

I'm so glad I made it God.  Everything I do.  I want to do for you God.  I was made to worship you and you alone God.  I don't have to do anything I don't want to.  But, I want to do those things for you God.  If you ask me to - for you - I'll do it.  For you I will.  You're so amazing God.  And I can't tell you enough, how much I love you.  I am ready for a new life with you.  I'm ready to do your work.  I want to do your work.

Forever Yours,
Danitra

10.25.15

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I ain't stupid God.  You know that though.  You've built me from scraps of much rubble.  fallen pieces and fragments of something much larger.  You.  God you are bigger than all of us and none of this would be possible without you.  The choices we have to make in life are never easy.  Things can be hard, but they won't be for long.  You make it so that it's not.  I'm gon be alright alone or with you.  I'll only last so long by myself though without crying.  I'll survive.  I'll still live and work - but I'll feel empty doing it alone, or if I have no one to share it with.  But, I know that I have the world now.  I know that I was created to do big things.  Thank you God.

Love you
Peace =)

"What do I want?" 10.19.2015

10.19.2015

What do I want? Where do I want to be?  God, I just want to get your work done and not have to work for man anymore.  I want to continue having an abundance of love to give.  I don't ever want to get tired of people again.  I truly love them all and how unique you've made all of us.  I really want a husband though God.  If not a husband, just someone that's going to be there.  I know you are the only one that's going to always be there but if I could have someone there a good amount of the time, I'd be happy. Let him be handsome, strong minded and strong physically - just able to support me.  Let him know who you are.  Let him know who he is, and let him know who I am.  Don't let him doubt me.  I'm tired of being doubted.  Let us have all we need and never let money become an issue in my life God, or anyone else around me please.  Allow me to have a family and not struggle to provide their needs.  Just hold me close God.  Please don't let me go again.  Thank you for saving me.  Thank you for sending help.  Thank you for loving me.  Thank you for whatever is coming.

Day Five - 10.18.2015

I want to stop typing these up and sharing them but that would just add to my list of incompletions.  I start things without finishing them a lot.  I finish things and I'm not satisfied with them a lot. But, I'm going to keep sharing these.  For those who don't know, (I stated in a previous post), I recently lost my mind.  These entries are from a time where I was unsure of a lot and still coming to terms with who I was and who I wanted to be just in general.  Therefore if they don't make sense, hopefully you can understand that I was in the process of making my life make sense...though it still doesn't...there's a new found peace in it.
Anyway...here's what I wrote the fifth day...  

10.18.2015

It's funny that I explain my relationship with my first love as consistently inconsistent.  I fall in and out of love all too often.  It never dawned on me...until now...that I fall in and out of my faith as well.  God can, will, and is making LIFE happen.  Whether it be good or bad in my eyes, it's been orchestrated or ordained by God.  I'm thankful for this realization.  This new hope and this new love.  LOL and I love how everything happens whether or not we want it to happen.  We're not in control of anything.  We have a choice but that is the choice of having one...or not...truly putting everything in God's hands and just living.  BUT listening, staying focused, and practicing patience.  Man...God is good =)

10.16.15

10.16.15

4:18pm HBDJ

Today has been so beautiful.

Top to bottom. With family...with friends...with love.  It feels good to be here.  Sitting in the sunlight, basking in his glow and his glory.  I appreciate him so much.  He's just- my God.  He's my everything. Love, Peace + Progression

10-9-15 "I'm in love..."

10-9-15

I'm in love.  I woke up with a smile today.  I'm happy.  Not even knowing what the day is going to bring.  I'm excited about it.  I see myself in the future and the future is bright.  The possibilities are endless.  Anything I want, is already mine.  I don't have to look anymore.  I don't have to worry about what ifs.  I just have to keep listening and living.  My eyes have to stay open in order to see.  By having my eyes open, even those things that are invisible begin to manifest and become reality.  Dreams are tangible.  I've been waking up next to one for the past few days.  I never even saw it before.  And what's crazy about that is that it was right there for so long.  The decisions we make can impede us.  Life can catch us off guard if we let it...but we should always be expecting.  What- is not even a question because that doesn't matter.  Faith shows us that it's impossible to fail.  But in faith, we can't lead ourselves.  We don't have the final say.  We choose whether or not to accept it.  We choose whether or not we love.  We choose to live.

Intro/10-6-2015...Day One

Dear World,

Hello...
    I feel like it's been forever since we've spoken.  During our time apart I've written a lot of letters that, opposite of this one, were written to God.  Prayers are intimate things, some of these letters essentially being those..., God has led me to share with you. I don't want to say too much else, except that, although I wrote these, I hope they benefit you.

#Love #Peace #Progression

Danitra

panitradope.blogspot.com

10-6-2015

Life doesn't seem real anymore.
For the past few days - I've been in purgatory.  I've been forced to reconsider what life is and what it really means to live.  I don't feel comfortable anymore.  I honestly am on the verge of tears.  I feel pressure from all different directions.  I have no job, no money, and no plans.  I want to make plans, but would almost prefer if they were made for me.  I know that I have no control over what happens, the people that surround me, or the environment and how it receives me.  I just know that I'm alive.  Well....I think I'm alive.
I question if this is what death feels like though.  The world is rotating around me.  It would appear as though all of those things are working together to decide my fate.  I feel sorry...lost...sad...excited - it's definitely a mixture.  God is real.  He has a plan.  But I have to acknowledge his voice in order to walk the right direction.  I don't know who I'll face in the end or when the end is coming, but now is the time to get ready.  I want a husband.  I want children.  I see that there are several prospects.  I'm growing impatient, but I have no choice but to wait.

I just be writin.....

Chapter 1

I was in the fifth grade when I realized I was different. I was able to look at things and recognize what bothered me about people. If my vocabulary were more extensive at that age, words and phrases like materialistic, self-centered, ignorant, and misguided would have ran through my mind. But instead words like stupid and hoes filled my mouth.

Ignorance and intelligence are birthed at an early age, sometimes simultaneously.

The Cost of Education

We spend a lot of our time on this earth not knowing things. We live in order to seek out and find answers. Where we find those answers however, differ from person to person. It is very easy to worsen your situation by looking for answers in the wrong places. You begin justifying yourself as opposed to seeking justification. We as people come up with a million reasons as to why we do certain things or as to why things are the way that they are. Even though in reality, gaining knowledge and knowing the real reasons behind these things is much more cost efficient.

It's free to educate yourself. But people consistently choose to wrap their minds around the physical cost of education rather than how readily accessible it already is, with or without the money. People allow cost to deter them from being determined. We should be so determined to gain knowledge that we will do whatever it takes to obtain it. Schools are not the only place to learn and I don't think that school is for everybody. However, in order to succeed in the way that society defines, a school education necessary. Now, that doesn't mean that you can't be successful without school. You can change the world without ever going to school.

The things we experience in life and the situations we're placed in teach lessons, lessons that can't be taught in school. I see myself as intelligent not because I got good grades in school and not because I have a degree, but because I've learned from my mistakes and have grown as a person. With knowledge comes growth. It's impossible to learn and there not be growth in some fashion. We get older, we get wiser, and our overall capacity for knowledge is heightened. Nobody can take away your ability to educate yourself. We innately manufacture excuses as to why we do not excel when really there are none valid. Think about it. We're created to interact with each other and our environment. As soon as we're born we respond to our surroundings, we adapt, and we learn. If an infant, fresh out of the womb has the ability to educate his or herself, then what's stopping you?

Don't let society discourage you. Money doesn't matter, otherwise we would have been born with it. You have everything you need to get whatever you need. The only question you must pose is what don't you know, what do you want to know, what do you need to know, and what do you want to do with that knowledge? Do you want to be happy or do you want to be wealthy?

Clarity

Some people really just can't see beyond themselves....
blinded by imperfection despite the fact that they see 20/20...
there's nothing to be mistaken or interpreted incorrectly...
it just is what it is...
nothing more, nothing less,
but never just you....
because that aint how our vision works....
we see others...
others see us....
and we search for our reflection in them...
in the people around us...
in nature....
and in life.
What you find is what you allow yourself to see.
Vision impairment can b corrected...is it always....no?
But it can be.

Mirror Work

Sometimes you just have to face the facts.
Admit to yourself that you messed up,
that you let yourself down,
that you can't blame anyone but yourself,
that you made the decision!

But also that you're human...

We all do it.
Own up to it.
You'll be forgiven by those that really love you.

Good Evening.

If it sounds like something worthwhile, please help me out if you can, and hit me up if you got questions, comments, or suggestions.  panitradope.blogspot.com

Proximity

Love is a desire for the unknown Wanting what you fear Knowing nothing but understanding everything Love is faith. And it seems as though it's brought me to this place of intimidation...A junction. But I turn away. Ignoring the fact that there are only two different paths I can take. There's the path where love gives and there's the path where love takes but those are kinda one in the same which is why I'm thinking in my mind it's best to stay in the middle lane actually not the middle lane but riding on the median trying to find a happy medium between pleasure and pain but I'm leaning towards the easy lane, the one that's right that my drive just kinda shifts towards due to the alignment if you're getting what I'm saying. Understanding that I only believe in one love and that's the love that's most demanding...the one that proceeds to break me down when I'm at my strongest then build me up. The one I don't have to wait on to grow up. The one that helps to grow me when the times are tough. What I need. Well...what I feel like I need and what will no doubt satisfy me. But this is territory unknown and the only time the ground is lit is when we're distant...we'll see what happens when we come close.