(the mornin after...)

Sealed shut by the secretion of pain from my eyes
I can't see. I can't show my face. Swollen by hurt.
I wake up just to find the same tears rolling down my cheek
I thought it was a nightmare
and that when i woke i would still be living like the princess of a fairytale
But i was wrong...
my face feels disfigured and my heart is torn
i'm scarred to the bone, lost, afraid, and alone.
How can i explain it to my royal subjects?
I guess i'll say "I....so satisfied and high upon my throne have fallen, have gone from the top to barely rock bottom. I've been pushed out of that high seat and now i'm crawlin for scraps, tryna keep my mind right but the time for that has elapsed. I'm goin crazy, not sane but insanely. Sickly in the heart and in the mind, thought u were one of a kind but u broke me. You've killed me internally and you didn't even choke me. You let me go and you let...me...down. My prince with whom i shared the crown has let...me...down, with no safety net or harness you let...me...down. Nobody to catch me, nobody to hold me you let...me...down. Nobody to turn to, nobody to love me, nobody to run to whatever my needs b you let...me...down. And u may as well not even search for me on the ground because i'm under, i'm buried by my sorrows, resting in the darkness, waitin for a smile, but i don't think i will find one. I think time is just up for me and love and im done tryin. I don't think i will ever stop cryin..." 

I'll Wait

Many times God I've tried to fill your position with a worldly person that was not you
I placed all my faith into him and he placed of his into me
Unsuccessfully...because what we were trying to uphold was unGodly
And yet...with those thoughts beside me I failed to realize that one guy I needed was you
So...I continued to cry tear after tear not knowing why...but the answer was as simple as 2+2
You God...I needed you
You tested me and took away what i thought was best for me...
I thought I'd lost my other half but God your are the rest of me
All the pain i endured and time i spent weeping were just ingredients in your divine recipe
And now i know patience...
And now i know humility...
I find myself sitting back watching the clock tick-tock peacefully...
saying to my self I'll wait, I'll wait....
I'll wait for you God till eternity

Written June 11, 2010 at 12:26am

4.24.13 - 12:21am

When I write I aim to capture the ears of the deaf and the eyes of the blind, to change a life one word at a time...if this world were mine I would rewrite history in a way that speaks uniquely to each and every individual mind.  But in a way of which they understand that I'm only here trying to help guide them, to help arrive them at a place not by mistake, but a place where they can realize that they're the authors of their own fate.  They just need to seek knowledge or find someone who's willing to translate.  Create conjunctions out of malfunctions and make sentences out of senselessness to write a novel about perfection and all of its censorship.  Not masking our errors or deciding what's fair or disguising the things that provide our most obvious perceptions.  Redirection is key and I just hope that one day I may prescribe you with the right lens to correct your astigmatisms and speak so loudly that people's ears ring...and the only thing they hear becomes their pulses's rhythm.  Then...with the right timing, I hope that one day I may change the entire world with my writing.

June 26th - Poem #1

I feel like I'm procrastinating when it comes to my progression.  The assignment that God has dealt me is just something I don't wanna turn in and I'm contemplating failing life's lessons.  It's crazy cuz it's not that I lack the knowledge or ability to get things done - it's just that my mind is encamped by my negligent wants to have fun- to turn up some - to let loose for a night but...it's never just one.  I'm gifted but I'm tempted by the pleasant taste of emptiness.  Not feeling too full to me is better than to be fed because when I'm fed there's no more reason for me to want things so I'm prolonging the process and pushing back my purpose while trying to persuade people to continually progress.  I'm a hypocrite.  Blocking myself from my betterment and the only interfering element is me.  I'm destined to succeed but right now successful is not a place I wanna be.  But the day is coming and it will only begin by me deciding to live out the life that God has already signed, sealed, and delivered to me through my writing.